Guest Columnist Archie Bunker

Awww jeez there, I'm having to write here. All youse people better pay attention. Look at what we have tomorrow. Theys is already playing the National Semi-finals. Jeez there. Why already? Why can't they wait until January 1st they way they is supposed to?

What's that? What's that Meathead? No, we are not goin to watch Washington Weak Review tomorrow on PBS. The TV belongs to yours truly and we - including you Meathead - are going to watch the National Semi-finals.

Now, we have two match-ups. First we has the Oklahoma Sooners playing the LSU Tigers. What's a Sooner anyways? What Meathead? It's a group of folks who stole land from the Governments in the 1880s? Well... that's good cheating. If theys can steal land from the Government, they should be able to steal some points tomorrow against those LSU Tigers, huh? A little cheating never hurt no one. Look at Nixon. He cheated a little, but look at us. We are still the strongest country there, huh? The way I see it, you have to cheat a little to get ahead in this world. Give me the Sooners in an upset.

Next game. Clemson - aww jeez, more Tigers there - and the Ohio State Buckeyes. Edith really likes the Buckeyes uniforms, right there, Edith? I could care less about the uniforms. I tell what I do like about the Buckeyes, and that's tough coaching. Coach Woody Hayes could coach tough. Made pinko commies like the Meathead here nervous. I remember the Meathead complaining about how Coach Woody hit a Clemson Tiger on the sidelines during a bowl game in the past. Aww jeez, c'mon there Meathead, this is football, not a tea party for little girls. Get with the program and support a real team! Go Ohio State!

There youse go people. Get it straight. I got the picks right here. Put your money on the Sooners and the Buckeyes. And move the games back to January 1st where they belong!

-Archie Bunker