Guest Columnist: Emperor Palpatine

The Empire Strikes Back - Gambling Edition

by E. Palpatine

Heh, heh, heh. Yessss. It is I, your Emperor writing a guest column for this pathetic, little blog of this pathetic, little bowl picking contest. However, I will say that I am so happy to see that your Commissioner, and General in the Imperial Army, has taken the lead. Oh, and I suppose you think you can summon a Jedi to help make sure the rest of your picks are correct? Forget it. I have seeeeen the future and the future is full of victories for your Commissioner. Tomorrow, as he flies to watch his fellow member of the Dark Side and Sith Lord Nick Saban coach my Alabama Crimson Tide to victory on New Year's Day, his New Year's Eve picks will be winning! He even picked against his alma mater because he sees clearly with the Dark Side and knows Texas' suspect defense and pathetic offense will be no match for the Utah Utes. 

In fact, you should forget watching this pathetic, little sport and instead watch the GREATEST ACTING PERFORMANCE of the modern age. What? NO, YOU FOOLS! I am not talking about Donald Trump. I'm talking about ME of course. Go see Episode IX of the Star Wars Saga: The Rise of Skywalker. There you will see and feeeeeelll the essence of incredible acting by yours truly in my triumphant return to the silver screen, playing myself: Emperor Palpatine!

Of course, you know these pictures are fiction. I let myself be defeated because that's the only way to get you pathetic sheep into the theaters. Did you know I get 50% of the popcorn sales as part of my contract with Disney? So eat away fools! You are financing my new yacht purchase: The Dark Syde 2. I'll anchor it in Charleston, South Carolina, of course. Next to Lindsey's boat, the Sellout. 

So, in summary, the Commissioner, the General of my American Army west of the Mississippi, has taken an iron grip on this contest. Using his powers of the Dark Side that I helped him master, he has already reached 10 victories. You will cower in fear and bow to my brilliance, since you know he is merely another in a long line of my puppets: Maul, Tyrannus, Sideous, Vader, and McConnell, etc. Enjoy the fight for second place.

- The Emperor

All Bunched Up

I've never seen the Bowl Pool like this. We are nine games in and no one has a losing record. Outstanding! Today we have 3 bowls that we have picked: Music City, Redbox, and the Orange Bowl. This will be a big day and it starts this afternoon. I wish everyone well. We have three days of bowling left. Tomorrow, I will be flying to Tampa, Florida. We have a wedding to attend on the 2nd in Orlando. I will try to stay in touch. On New Year's Day while Ana, Joe, and Pat visit Harry Potter World I will be at the Citrus Bowl. I hope to post live pictures from the event. I get to witness Nick Saban - who readers of this blog know I wanted to be Texas coach way back in the 90s (we picked Mack Brown instead) - versus mercurial Jim Harbaugh (who made the mistake of taking a job with his alma mater).

Today, I will be packing and getting ready to depart. I hope your holiday is going well.

- The Commish

Archie is brilliant

Guest Columnist Archie Bunker

Awww jeez there, I'm having to write here. All youse people better pay attention. Look at what we have tomorrow. Theys is already playing the National Semi-finals. Jeez there. Why already? Why can't they wait until January 1st they way they is supposed to?

What's that? What's that Meathead? No, we are not goin to watch Washington Weak Review tomorrow on PBS. The TV belongs to yours truly and we - including you Meathead - are going to watch the National Semi-finals.

Now, we have two match-ups. First we has the Oklahoma Sooners playing the LSU Tigers. What's a Sooner anyways? What Meathead? It's a group of folks who stole land from the Governments in the 1880s? Well... that's good cheating. If theys can steal land from the Government, they should be able to steal some points tomorrow against those LSU Tigers, huh? A little cheating never hurt no one. Look at Nixon. He cheated a little, but look at us. We are still the strongest country there, huh? The way I see it, you have to cheat a little to get ahead in this world. Give me the Sooners in an upset.

Next game. Clemson - aww jeez, more Tigers there - and the Ohio State Buckeyes. Edith really likes the Buckeyes uniforms, right there, Edith? I could care less about the uniforms. I tell what I do like about the Buckeyes, and that's tough coaching. Coach Woody Hayes could coach tough. Made pinko commies like the Meathead here nervous. I remember the Meathead complaining about how Coach Woody hit a Clemson Tiger on the sidelines during a bowl game in the past. Aww jeez, c'mon there Meathead, this is football, not a tea party for little girls. Get with the program and support a real team! Go Ohio State!

There youse go people. Get it straight. I got the picks right here. Put your money on the Sooners and the Buckeyes. And move the games back to January 1st where they belong!

-Archie Bunker

I-10 Journal

Post from the road. North Carolina has opened the season with a win for everyone! We are brilliant. I just finished driving from Phoenix to El Paso. I guess Southern Arizona is at a much higher elevation than the Valley of the Sun as we dealt with 40 degree temps and near snow on our drive. Football was played without us. So far victors include Michigan State, Texas A&M, and Iowa to go along with UNC. The national semi-finals are tomorrow. We may have a guest columnist to opine on that.

Best of luck!
I'll have standings in the morning.

It is TIME!!!!

We start tomorrow! I have almost everyone's entry in. Tomorrow North Carolina plays Temple in the Military Bowl live from Annapolis, Maryland. Mack Brown has already started sending out tweets from the DC area. Oh, that crafty Mack Brown, he recruits 24/7. Word is his wife said he could only coach at one place, North Carolina. And only if he promised to enjoy himself. He had a topsy-turvy season that saw him come within a 2 point conversion of upsetting defending national champion Clemson. He got bowl eligible and is currently the favorite to lead his team to victory against the fighting Owls of Temple.

Special Note:

I will be traveling during the Bowl Pool season so my posts will be brief and I will not provide the customary previews that no one reads. I'll just feed you some thoughts along the way. The defending champ will NOT defend as she exited herself from the Circle of Trust. That means the title is vacant. So let's go everyone! Let's watch some football!!

-The Commish